i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
