both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
