my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
