Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Randomize
