Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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