I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
someone owes me an orgasm
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
