i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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