grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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