just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
