Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
