I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
