Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
