Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
