I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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