i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
