there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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