Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
