So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize