Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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