The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
