Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
is it fun? or sober?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
