I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
