please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Randomize