I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
