The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
