just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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