my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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