watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
