My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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