Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
