After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
