..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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