Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
home. puking in laundry basket.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
