Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
