is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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