So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
