he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
