My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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