i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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