I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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