all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
