Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
