I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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