Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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