Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
