We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
