jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
