so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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