We're facebook friends in real life
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize