I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
