There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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