I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
