and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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