In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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