I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
