Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
how drunk are you?
Several
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
