I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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