My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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