my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
