I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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