FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
