There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
